I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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