see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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