Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
