i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
