I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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