I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
