in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
