Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize