When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
