wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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