my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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