Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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