The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
