The maid of honor just puked.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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