What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
