he shaved USA in his pubs
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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