why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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