My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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