so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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