no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
