I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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