im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
