His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
