I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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