Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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