I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
