Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
