i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
