if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
