Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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