I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
