tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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