I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
accomplished twins. life is a go
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
