woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
