Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
