Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
