Where is the hickey?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My pussy is not your playground.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
