I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
