Dual....:-)
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
