we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My vagina just clenched in fear
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