C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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