i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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