who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Who died my cat blue again?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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