i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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