In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
