omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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