i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
