I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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