Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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