I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
