That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
