It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
