Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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