didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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