we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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