hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Randomize
