stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Come back. Shots need mouths.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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