every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
