You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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