Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
