My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
