I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
