He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
