Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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