you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
