mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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