Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
