she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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