I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
