Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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