Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
